Ok, SQ readers. It’s happening again. I’m re-opening my diary and letting you take a peek. If you missed my confession about Baking Shows and need to take a minute to empathize with my obsession, go ahead. I’ll wait. But when you come back, get ready to dive with me real deep… into my shoe closet.
Remember when we did free-association writing therapy about my difficulty picking out a toothpaste… and then also my difficulty picking out quilt batting? Well, the panic is back. But this time, the stakes feel even higher. Because Diary, sometimes I feel enormous pressure when picking out a pair of shoes.
I once had an English teacher who told me that you should always wear shoes you could run for your life in. Let’s unpack this for a minute.
- My high school English teacher was giving me shoe advice.
- I still REMEMBER this shoe advice.
- I clearly don’t remember anything else she said because I started the first sentence on this topic with a preposition. (At least I think I did. I don’t even really know. Case in point.)
- Was my high school English teacher running for her life a lot? I feel like I need to call her up and check in…
- WAIT, WHAT? I can’t run for my life in, like, any of my shoes. Not even my running shoes. How fast, exactly, do you have to run to run for your life? And is it ok that I have a stroller with me?
So now I’m thinking that maybe I should throw that advice out the window. But it’s not the only high-pressure, impossible advice I’ve gotten about shoe choice.
People have told me so many high-stakes shoe facts I have a separate diary for them (don’t worry, Diary, you’re still my main squeeze.)
Evidently, flip-flops mean impending foot-death (yep, I own those), high heels will deform your feet (mmhmm, got those, too), ballet flats will hurt your knees and give you impossible-to-spell-or-pronounce ailments like plantar fasciitis (but they’re so cute!), wedges put pressure on the metatarsal bone, which is a bone I didn’t even know I had, and anything with a pointy toe will ruin my toenails and give you hammertoes and maybe even cause anxiety because that’s definitely what I’m feeling right now!
Can we just pause a minute and have something good to say about shoes? Where is all this negativity coming from? Why does everything that’s pretty or fancy have to be so terrible? If these are all the things I should never put on my feet, then what is actually good for them?
Welp, Diary, I had to ask Google, because you took too long to respond. And I’m afraid there’s more bad news. Because in order to avoid certain shoe-guilt, it looks like I have to undergo an 8-step evaluation process, checking the space between my toe and end of shoe and arch support and sturdy soles and probably the shoe’s emotional wellbeing and education level.
And I just have a hunch that if I find a pair of shoes that are physically and mentally and emotionally equipped to support my feet in every sense possible, they’re probably not going to be cute.
And here’s the thing. I get this feeling, like all the time, that everyone is very VERY aware of the shoes I’m wearing. Someone told me this is called the “spotlight effect,” and that I’m actually wrong and people don’t care. But it really seems like Desi, and my neighbor, and the person I walked past in the grocery store today were absolutely spending all of their mental power evaluating and criticizing my shoe choice, which is probably why one of them is currently gassy and upset (I’ll let you guess which one.)
So what, Diary, am I to do? Is there a perfect shoe out there that doesn’t fuse my toes together or give me early onset arthritis? I’m going to have to do some more sole searching to find out (do you see what I did there, Diary? I wish you would laugh at my jokes more often.)
In the meantime, I’m just going to go barefoot. If The Contessa does it, then so can I and she’s an amazing baker, and that’s the real goal here, right? (I know her name isn’t Contessa, but that’s what I call her, and I’m going through a crisis right now, Diary, so lay off.)
Awww, I can’t stay mad at you, Diary. You’re forgiven.
(Even though I’m pretty sure you’re always judging my shoes, too.)
Pictured above is the Perennial quilt which will be available as a PDF download on October 17, 2019.
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